10 Songs that Annoy Matt, Part 1

Matt Powers is back again this week, giving us another list. This one’s about 10 Annoying Songs. They’re songs that irritate him, and after reading it, I’ve discovered that most of them annoy me, too. I say “most” because, although I agree, the Beatles were at their finest from Rubber Soul onwards, there are times when I can go for a little With the Beatles or Please Please Me action. Either way, he’s mostly spot on. I’ll stop now since Matt has quite a bit to say himself. Enjoy!

—

A couple of years ago, I was called a “music snob” by a friend of mine. By “music snob”, I assume he meant I had a “holier than thou” complex when it came to music; an attitude that my music tastes were superior to others’ because I was blessed with some sort of higher knowledge and a better adapted ear to sort through the bullshit that is today’s Top 40 music scene and listen to only “good” music, and that everyone should follow my lead because I am basically music’s version of the second coming of Christ.

Alright, maybe that’s a little too much to interpret from a two-word phrase, but in reality, we all are “music snobs”, much like we all are “sports snobs” and “TV snobs” and “movie snobs”. Seems obvious, but it’s easy to forget, we all like different things, and we all think our likes are better than everyone else’s, because, well, that’s why we like them. Am I rambling yet? Too bad, because it gets worse. We all think our playlists are the end-all-be-all of the music industry, and we all think anyone who doesn’t like the bands we do must just not understand this fact.

Be that as it may, I’m not here to try to convince everyone that the bands I listen to are better than any others, because it’s, quite frankly, an unwinnable battle. For example, I can play my favorite album of all time, Led Zeppelin’s Physical Graffiti, a hundred thousand times, and people who just don’t like classic rock will never admit that my obsession with that record is justified. So, instead, I decided to get something off my chest that I’ve been dying to do for years.

There are a set of songs, maybe 20, that almost everyone has heard and almost everyone likes but piss me off beyond belief. I just cannot stand hearing them, particularly in the company of others.
All of these songs would be regarded as “popular” and “good” if I took a random poll of people on the street. But for one reason or another, they just get under my skin in a way that I can’t even begin to explain. Today, I narrowed that list down to ten, and present my “Top 10 Songs That Annoy the Hell Out of Me”. I only hope that some of you can read my assessment of these abominations and agree with me, or, at the very least, understand where I’m coming from.

A couple of notes before I begin: (1) Bands that piss me off are (generally) not included. Fall Out Boy is probably the prime example of this; hearing them on the radio makes me die a little inside, but there is no one particular song by them that really does it for me. Also, I feel like the consensus is that FOB sucks in general; hence, they wouldn’t qualify under the “the song has to be popular and considered ‘good’ by the general population” rule of this list. (2) Songs that have come and gone do not count either. Owl City’s “Fireflies” irritated me for the week it was #1 on the Billboard Charts, and for the month that it completely dominated XM’s Alternative Rock station (channel 47 for those who care), which I listen to nearly every day to and from campus. (3) Shitty pop songs don’t count either. I recently decided “Tik Tok” by Kesha [Editor’s Note: I’m sure Mr. Powers means Ke$ha] is the worst song ever written, just edging out “Party in the USA” by everyone’s favorite 17 year old sex idol/future 18-year old single mother (is Miley Cyrus actually 18 now? I stopped keeping track). (4) Overly obscure songs can’t count either. BrokenCYDE is probably the worst band I’ve ever heard in my life, and their one single (which I can’t name off the top of my head and I am NOT going to Wikipedia to look it up because I don’t want to give them the satisfaction of my viewing their page) really really irritates me, but again, that band is far too unknown to make the list. You will know every song on this list, and probably every word to every song as well (but that, as you will see, is quite a relevant point). All right, enough! Here we go!

–

1. Journey – “Don’t Stop Believing”

Swear to God. If I’m riding in a car and everyone starts SCREAMING this shitty song one more time I’m gonna lose my mind. I wish I could slap Seth MacFarlane in the face for including this “ballad” in that episode of Family Guy. If you haven’t seen it, Peter and the guys buy a karaoke machine for their favorite bar, get plastered beyond belief, and start belting this ridiculous song at the top of their lungs. Family Guy’s viewership followed suit, and today, “Don’t Stop Believing” is one of the most popular party “sing-a-longs”. Seems like a lot of people didn’t pick up on the fact that you apparently have to be drunk out of your mind to find this song listenable in any way. And another thing — if you have to turn to Family Guy to find quality music from the 70s and 80s, you probably shouldn’t be singing along with any song in the first place.

–

2. Bon Jovi – “Living on a Prayer”

Am I gonna have to be the one to say it? Fine. Bon Jovi sucks. There. This song apparently made a comeback after it was featured in Rock Band 2, which pretty much speaks for itself, and is another one of those “EVERYONE SING ALONG!!!!!!!” songs that, as you’ll find out again and again, really get under my skin. I don’t mind varying music tastes; in fact, I’m about the last person in the world to tell someone the music they listen to “sucks”. But almost nothing pisses me off more than unoriginality when it comes to music. The music industry, especially today with the integration of technology (see: Manchester Orchestra, an alternative rock band that I saw live over the summer and features a guy solely creating effects on his Mac book), is so vast, that if you have to turn to the God awful Billboard Charts and Rock Band for new music, you are pretty sad.

–

3. Neil Diamond – “Sweet Caroline”

The Boston Red Sox should seriously buy some property rights to this song. If I hear this shit at a stadium NOT NAMED FENWAY PARK one more time I swear I’m putting a bullet in the head of the first drunk 25 year old whore I see screaming “BAH BAH BAHHHHHHHH” at the top of her lungs while her little blonde bimbo friends dance around on the seats next to her. Yes, this means you, Washington Nationals fans of section 437.

–

4. Every Beatles song pre-Rubber Soul

Four attractive young men playing simple repetitive songs that last no longer than 2 minutes, 30 seconds. Sounds familiar…Jonas Brothers anyone? Early Beatles paved the way for irritating modern boy bands — late Beatles revolutionized rock and paved the way for some of the greatest artists and bands of all time. I could seriously do without the former. (disclaimer: I know the Beatles are the most respectable rock band of all time. It’s just…I can’t…stand…their early…albums…)

–

5. Nickelback – “Photograph”

Truly one of the worst songs ever written. I actually just verified that this song reached number 2 on the Billboard charts. Have I mentioned the American public is borderline atrocious when it comes to music? Why would Canada infect our music scene with this garbage? If the vocals aren’t enough to give you a headache, the ridiculous acoustic riff playing over and over in the background surely will. I actually find Nickelback very tolerable in small doses, but this song, coupled with the fact that it infected our radio stations for months, is just too much.

–

Don’t forget to check back tomorrow for the last five!