10 Songs that Annoy Matt, Part 2

Today, I had an interview to get an internship at Grooveshark. If you don’t know about Grooveshark, it’s a site where you can listen to all your favorite tunes. Just go to the website, and type your favorite musician into the search bar. If you’re feeling it, create an account. It’s good stuff. Either way, today brings us to the second part of 10 Songs that Annoy Matt. If you missed the first part, read it. Then come back and read this.

—

6. Queen – “Bohemian Rhapsody”

Oh, but this is one of the best rock songs of all time! Truly an epic rock opera! That may be, but it doesn’t excuse the fact that the typical ignorant Top 40-obsessed self-proclaimed “classic rock genius” will download this one song, slap it on their iPod, and think they’re the shit because they have QUEEN on their mp3 player. Or maybe they’ll memorize the little “mama mia” part in the middle and scream it at the top of their fucking lungs whenever it comes on the radio in order to give the illusion that they enjoy and know a thing or two about “good music”. Bull. Shit. They probably can’t name the album this song was off of, and they probably can’t even name any member of the band itself (wait no I know this! Frankie Muniz? Fred Durst? Fred Flintstone? It starts with an F…his last name is a planet…Venus? Jupiter?…I know this…wait…he had AIDS right? OH I KNOW IT! Magic Johnson!). Name a Queen song not named “We Are the Champions”, “Another One Bites the Dust”, or “We Will Rock You” and then maybe we can talk. “Bohemian Rhapsody” is a fine enough song, but it isn’t even Queen’s best. Put on “Radio Ga Ga” if you want to hear an outstanding song by these guys (better yet, watch their performance of the aforementioned track at Live Aid, it’s definitely on YouTube somewhere) [Editor’s Note: Check it out. If you stop it at 0:36, you’ll see Freddie wears white Adidas Sambas… also my shoe of choice. Money!]. And until you memorize the names Freddie Mercury, Brian May, and Roger Taylor, don’t act like you know shit about 1970-1980s classic rock.

–

7. Nirvana – “Smells Like Teen Spirit”

This song is borderline atrocious, yet no music critic can resist putting this piece of shit track in their “Top 50 Songs of All Time” list. It feels like the Top 10 of these lists get so cluttered with songs from 30-50 years ago that a panic sets in; there’s a need to put a relatively new song up there, and “Teen Spirit” is the apparently agreed upon best song of the 90s. This isn’t even Nirvana’s best song, not even close. Kurt Cobain himself stated he HATED playing this song live, even he thought it sucked, and he was right. The vocals are borderline inaudible and that famous riff is migraine-inducing at best; overall, it sounds like Cobain wrote this song in 45 seconds while he was getting a blumpkin from Courtney Love backstage before the VMAs. The absolute worst part of “Teen Spirit” is the line “Our little group has always been and always will until the end”…perhaps the single most misinterpreted lyric in the history of music. Kurt Cobain hated life. He had no “little group”. He never did. He was being sarcastic. I don’t think I’ve ever been more pissed off at anything in my life than when I read this lyric as 6 or 7 “Senior Quotes” in my high school yearbook two years ago. If Kurt Cobain saw that shit, he’d probably double or triple his heroin kick just to avoid shooting all of them and then himself (God knows he was willing to do it). I almost needed an opiate myself that day.

–

8. Hootie and the Blowfish – “Only Wanna Be With You”

Rumor has it, my family bought their CD in like 1995 and played it on a long car ride. Rumor has it, even then at 5 years old I hated it so much that I had a fit until they turned it off. There really is nothing wrong with the song, in fact, when I found out the lead singer was black, I was so mind-blown that I almost garnered some respect for ol’ Hootie. I just think this falls in the same category with “Photograph” as a generally irritating and vastly overplayed alternative rock song that brings nothing new to the table. Alright, sure, this song is from like 15 years ago or whatever, but still, there is just so much better out there that I don’t see why this song blew up the charts, or why the album this song was from was certified diamond with somewhere around 18 million sales.

–

9. AC/DC – “Thunderstruck”

Truth is, as much as the opening riff kicks ass, Brian Johnson sounds like he has to sneeze during the entire first like 2 minutes. Come to think of it, he ALWAYS sings like he has to sneeze, it’s just especially bad here. Go watch it on YouTube if you haven’t heard it in a while; I guarantee you’ll laugh once you realize how much it sounds like he’s about to just spew saliva and mucus all over the place.

–

10. Dave Matthews Band

Alright, I said that I wouldn’t put Fall Out Boy on here because there was no particular song that irritated me, but my God, there’s something about DMB that just kills me. Maybe it’s just an acquired taste, but there are so many similar bands out there with a better sound, more poetic and meaningful lyrics, and overall better technique and showmanship that I can’t see how anyone can justify this band being one of the most popular groups of the 90’s and 00’s. There are actually other bands out there that generally irritate me (U2 being the biggest in my mind at the moment), but not enough to make it on here. As much as I love to hate U2’s endless liberal philanthropy and copious album sales, they are pretty goddamn catchy and pretty goddamn talented. I just do not find DMB to be either.

–

So, that’s it. I expect some people to think I’m a raging moron at this point; but I beg of you to realize that this is solely my opinion, no better than anyone else’s, but no worse either. It would be cool, though, if someone agreed with me on some of these…oh well.

10 Songs that Annoy Matt, Part 1

Matt Powers is back again this week, giving us another list. This one’s about 10 Annoying Songs. They’re songs that irritate him, and after reading it, I’ve discovered that most of them annoy me, too. I say “most” because, although I agree, the Beatles were at their finest from Rubber Soul onwards, there are times when I can go for a little With the Beatles or Please Please Me action. Either way, he’s mostly spot on. I’ll stop now since Matt has quite a bit to say himself. Enjoy!

—

A couple of years ago, I was called a “music snob” by a friend of mine. By “music snob”, I assume he meant I had a “holier than thou” complex when it came to music; an attitude that my music tastes were superior to others’ because I was blessed with some sort of higher knowledge and a better adapted ear to sort through the bullshit that is today’s Top 40 music scene and listen to only “good” music, and that everyone should follow my lead because I am basically music’s version of the second coming of Christ.

Alright, maybe that’s a little too much to interpret from a two-word phrase, but in reality, we all are “music snobs”, much like we all are “sports snobs” and “TV snobs” and “movie snobs”. Seems obvious, but it’s easy to forget, we all like different things, and we all think our likes are better than everyone else’s, because, well, that’s why we like them. Am I rambling yet? Too bad, because it gets worse. We all think our playlists are the end-all-be-all of the music industry, and we all think anyone who doesn’t like the bands we do must just not understand this fact.

Be that as it may, I’m not here to try to convince everyone that the bands I listen to are better than any others, because it’s, quite frankly, an unwinnable battle. For example, I can play my favorite album of all time, Led Zeppelin’s Physical Graffiti, a hundred thousand times, and people who just don’t like classic rock will never admit that my obsession with that record is justified. So, instead, I decided to get something off my chest that I’ve been dying to do for years.

There are a set of songs, maybe 20, that almost everyone has heard and almost everyone likes but piss me off beyond belief. I just cannot stand hearing them, particularly in the company of others.
All of these songs would be regarded as “popular” and “good” if I took a random poll of people on the street. But for one reason or another, they just get under my skin in a way that I can’t even begin to explain. Today, I narrowed that list down to ten, and present my “Top 10 Songs That Annoy the Hell Out of Me”. I only hope that some of you can read my assessment of these abominations and agree with me, or, at the very least, understand where I’m coming from.

A couple of notes before I begin: (1) Bands that piss me off are (generally) not included. Fall Out Boy is probably the prime example of this; hearing them on the radio makes me die a little inside, but there is no one particular song by them that really does it for me. Also, I feel like the consensus is that FOB sucks in general; hence, they wouldn’t qualify under the “the song has to be popular and considered ‘good’ by the general population” rule of this list. (2) Songs that have come and gone do not count either. Owl City’s “Fireflies” irritated me for the week it was #1 on the Billboard Charts, and for the month that it completely dominated XM’s Alternative Rock station (channel 47 for those who care), which I listen to nearly every day to and from campus. (3) Shitty pop songs don’t count either. I recently decided “Tik Tok” by Kesha [Editor’s Note: I’m sure Mr. Powers means Ke$ha] is the worst song ever written, just edging out “Party in the USA” by everyone’s favorite 17 year old sex idol/future 18-year old single mother (is Miley Cyrus actually 18 now? I stopped keeping track). (4) Overly obscure songs can’t count either. BrokenCYDE is probably the worst band I’ve ever heard in my life, and their one single (which I can’t name off the top of my head and I am NOT going to Wikipedia to look it up because I don’t want to give them the satisfaction of my viewing their page) really really irritates me, but again, that band is far too unknown to make the list. You will know every song on this list, and probably every word to every song as well (but that, as you will see, is quite a relevant point). All right, enough! Here we go!

–

1. Journey – “Don’t Stop Believing”

Swear to God. If I’m riding in a car and everyone starts SCREAMING this shitty song one more time I’m gonna lose my mind. I wish I could slap Seth MacFarlane in the face for including this “ballad” in that episode of Family Guy. If you haven’t seen it, Peter and the guys buy a karaoke machine for their favorite bar, get plastered beyond belief, and start belting this ridiculous song at the top of their lungs. Family Guy’s viewership followed suit, and today, “Don’t Stop Believing” is one of the most popular party “sing-a-longs”. Seems like a lot of people didn’t pick up on the fact that you apparently have to be drunk out of your mind to find this song listenable in any way. And another thing — if you have to turn to Family Guy to find quality music from the 70s and 80s, you probably shouldn’t be singing along with any song in the first place.

–

2. Bon Jovi – “Living on a Prayer”

Am I gonna have to be the one to say it? Fine. Bon Jovi sucks. There. This song apparently made a comeback after it was featured in Rock Band 2, which pretty much speaks for itself, and is another one of those “EVERYONE SING ALONG!!!!!!!” songs that, as you’ll find out again and again, really get under my skin. I don’t mind varying music tastes; in fact, I’m about the last person in the world to tell someone the music they listen to “sucks”. But almost nothing pisses me off more than unoriginality when it comes to music. The music industry, especially today with the integration of technology (see: Manchester Orchestra, an alternative rock band that I saw live over the summer and features a guy solely creating effects on his Mac book), is so vast, that if you have to turn to the God awful Billboard Charts and Rock Band for new music, you are pretty sad.

–

3. Neil Diamond – “Sweet Caroline”

The Boston Red Sox should seriously buy some property rights to this song. If I hear this shit at a stadium NOT NAMED FENWAY PARK one more time I swear I’m putting a bullet in the head of the first drunk 25 year old whore I see screaming “BAH BAH BAHHHHHHHH” at the top of her lungs while her little blonde bimbo friends dance around on the seats next to her. Yes, this means you, Washington Nationals fans of section 437.

–

4. Every Beatles song pre-Rubber Soul

Four attractive young men playing simple repetitive songs that last no longer than 2 minutes, 30 seconds. Sounds familiar…Jonas Brothers anyone? Early Beatles paved the way for irritating modern boy bands — late Beatles revolutionized rock and paved the way for some of the greatest artists and bands of all time. I could seriously do without the former. (disclaimer: I know the Beatles are the most respectable rock band of all time. It’s just…I can’t…stand…their early…albums…)

–

5. Nickelback – “Photograph”

Truly one of the worst songs ever written. I actually just verified that this song reached number 2 on the Billboard charts. Have I mentioned the American public is borderline atrocious when it comes to music? Why would Canada infect our music scene with this garbage? If the vocals aren’t enough to give you a headache, the ridiculous acoustic riff playing over and over in the background surely will. I actually find Nickelback very tolerable in small doses, but this song, coupled with the fact that it infected our radio stations for months, is just too much.

–

Don’t forget to check back tomorrow for the last five!